So I don’t think I’m jinxing anything by saying this, but I’m pretty sure my weight is FINALLY stabilizing.
For the last 14 months my weight has done nothing by go up. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly but always up. Well, for the first time it’s the same as it was 2 weeks ago – no restricting, no calorie counting, no purging, no nothing. I hate to admit exactly how relieved I am if this means my weight is finally stabilizing, but it has been one heck of a climb.
I’ve got to say, I think the most important lesson from all this is that you really have no idea how long recovery will take. I had no idea that after over 10 years of suppressing my weight it would take 14 months for my body to trust me again. When my treatment team said you have to give it a year for your body to adjust, I thought it would be a year for my body to gain weight, overshoot my setpoint, stabilize and settle back down wherever it wants to be. After 14 months I’ve only just reached the overshooting my setpoint part! I honestly had no idea that it would take this long, but I’m glad I stuck it out.
Now, this may just be my body playing tricks on me, but I’m taking it as a good sign – a sign that if I’m not there yet, I will be soon. I have to admit that I’m looking forward to my body settling down at it’s setpoint, whatever that is. It feels like I still have this tie to my disorder while my body is still adjusting to recovery and healing after all the pain I’ve caused it. I feel as if when my body finally starts settling down, I will be able to let go of one more little reminder of ED that my body has.