Today I was thinking about some pain in my shoulder and side and feeling the need to apologize to my physio for my size when I see him next week.
WOAH wait a second… I was about to apologize for WHAT!? My body. The fact that it is the size and shape that it is. That there is fat over my muscles and he will have a hard time feeling which muscles are over active. Yes, it’s true that one day in the not-so distant past he would have had no trouble identifying each and every muscle and bone in my shoulder and rib cage but that doesn’t mean I have to apologize for being different now, for being healthier now.
Yes, my body is bigger now, but that’s not all it is. My body is also stronger, healthier, has better colour, stronger nails, thicker hair, a normal blood pressure and heart rate.
My body is the shape, size and make-up that it should be naturally. How do I know? I am eating properly – not too much or too little with a good variety of “healthy” and “junky” foods. I am exercising for a normal amount of time doing things that make my body feel good, not for the purpose of weight control. When doing all of these things, your body will figure itself out and land where it wants to, whether or NOT you like it.
Do I like my body? No, but I hope to someday. Do I trust my body? No, I’m starting to.
Now, I know I felt the need to apologize because I was a bit vulnerable today, but I’ll go into that in the next post. For now, I am telling myself the following:
“Dearest Claire, you do NOT have to apologize for your body existing the way it does naturally. Love Always, Claire”