I’m at the cottage and having a really strange time. I don’t know who I am here in this body. There are ghosts of me last year walking around and it’s really strange.
I remember bet curling up in the green armchair and feeling so tiny – I’m afraid to sit in the chair because my body takes up so much room.
I remember walking around and feeling thin, being so careful about what I eat and drink, thinking about how little space I take up.
I was embarrassed because I was gaining weight, I was ashamed of my body and wore a tank top swimming. My body was gaining weight, but my thoughts were still so strong.
I feel like I am recreating myself here, being someone I’ve never been. Trying to figure out how this new person eats, drinks, sits by the fire, relaxes on the couches and chairs, swims.
It feels go to be able to be a new person – to redefine myself as a healthy person in this environment. Maybe I can start to do this in other places I spend time. Who am I at home, at yoga, at work. I don’t have to be the old me with a bigger body – I can redefine who I am and how I exist, I can create a new me! That’s incredibly freeing.