I have never been very good at making friends. I never had many close friends and often just absorb the friends of my friends into my life, being the tag along instead of a core participant in a friendship leaving me usually feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. I have acquaintances (people I would spend time with as long as there is another core person around) and event specific friends (choir or yoga friends) but very few people that I spend time with in the absence of a specific activity or common friend.
I have lost 2 very dear friends in the last year – one has just drifted away and there was a pretty significant falling out with the other. That leaves me with 3 friends except my husband; one who has been my friend for over 20 years, another who is actually better friends with my husband but we enjoy spending time together and a friend from treatment who I rarely see because we live far from each other but will always hold a very dear place in my heart.
Making friends is hard – I’m great at having event specific friends but crossing that line to life friends is incredibly difficult for me. For instance I have a few “friends” at the yoga studio but I wouldn’t say that we know each other very well outside of the small talk around the studio. Over the last few months I have been thinking about trying to get to know a specific woman at the studio better. From the little I have heard her say about herself she has an amazing story, she has such a positive dynamic energy but there is something real, deep and very introspective about her. I really love people who are interested in exploring and bettering themselves – partially why I love being at my yoga studio so much.
A few weeks ago I sent this woman an email saying that I hoped it wasn’t weird but that I would like to get to know her a bit better and maybe we could hang out sometime. This is very rare for me – I’m always worried that I am intruding on someone’s personal space, that they don’t want to spend time with me and I am forcing them to say yes because they feel sorry for me. I put the idea out there and she said that she would really like to hang out sometime, I gave her some times the following week when I was available and didn’t hear back. I assumed that she was just being nice and (like most plans girls tend to make with each other) this was something that just wasn’t going to happen. I got a little sad and figured she was just going to be a yoga friend.
Last week she asked me when we were going to get together for dinner and I was overjoyed! We made plans to go out for dinner on Sunday this past weekend. I was SO nervous, I didn’t know what we were going to talk about or if we would even get along.
We met at a restaurant and I got to meet her fiancé. We talked and ate and talked some more. The food was phenomenal and the conversation was amazing. It was both serious and funny, I am so glad to be able to get to know her better. I have hope that we will be able to be friends, more than just yoga friends but good friends. We have a lot in common but also a lot that is different between us, the conversation is easy and open, the air is clear and relaxed.
I can’t tell you how excited I am to have even the possibility of a new friend, someone that isn’t Carson’s, someone that isn’t part of a group that I’m watching from the outside but an actual friend all to myself. I’m so happy ^_^