So I have been thinking about writing this for a while but honestly I was scared. My husband and I went on a 21 day diet. We monitored our food and did 30 minute work outs every night. He told me he wanted to do it and I asked if I could do it with him.
I’m really worried about how my weight might effect my future pregnancies, most importantly the chances of getting gestational diabetes again. I’m also worried about how my weight might effect my heart health (my mother died of a heart attack and I historically have a weak heart) as well as my chances of developing type 2 diabetes. So all that is just a big way of me saying I’m worried about my weight medically, not (only) aesthetically.
I haven’t told anyone other than my husband that I was doing this because I was worried about how they would respond. I was worried they would get upset about me tempting fate or maybe using the diet as an excuse to restrict like crazy or go off the rails.
I felt ok about it and I was very open with my husband about my thoughts and feelings as the days went on. Well, I did lose a bit of weight, a totally healthy amount . My mind didn’t take off with extreme thoughts about how I needed to do better or eat less or exercise more. I was a little scared the first week because the meal plan felt a little restrictive but I had lots of food options and I was being very cautious about any feelings of restriction or deprivation.
As the three weeks went on I felt better and better. I felt more confident and honestly more recovered than I have in a long time. I faced my demon head on and I won! I faced my deepest fear and came out the other side unscathed.
I wouldn’t recommend this to everyone obviously, in fact I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t a medical thing. I have also been symptom free for 3.5 years and firmly in recovery for a very long time. I had support and made a point of being incredibly honest with my husband no matter what I might be afraid he would think.
I can now say that I am living without fear of my disorder. It no longer hangs over my head or threatens to pounce if someone says the wrong thing or I try on the wrong clothes at the wrong time. I have been in recovery and considered recovered for ages now but now I feel like I can truly say that I am fully recovered. I am better for good and there really is no going back