I haven’t done a parenting post in a while and this is really on my mind lately so here goes!
I find that lately I am struggling not to wish my days away. Sometimes days with the boy are hard and I long for the day he’s in school. When I will have more time to do yoga during the day, sew more, do more gardening, read more books, write more of my book, see more friends without him running around the place like a mad person. Then I remember that he is only 17 months old and he will be at least 5 before he starts (likely) to calm down and go to school. Then I remember that we want to have 3 children and if we have them 2 years apart it’ll be likely closer to 9 or 10 years before I will be “free” – yes that’s a word that I have actually used in my brain when thinking about this. I just have to make it through the next 9 or 10 years.
Suddenly my wonderful time at home with my children has been reduced to a mathematical equation and dragging my feet through the next 10 years hoping to survive it and make it to the other side.
The problem with wishing the days away is that you lose the beauty in the days happening right now.You lose the magic in every day and every moment that could be spent feeling worms wriggling around on your palm and otherwise is spent watching the clock.
A friend told me a while ago that “The days are long but the years are short”. My son is only home with me for 4-5 years out of his 90 year life and the next 50+ years of my life. When he has a little sibling I will miss the special time I had with only him. When he goes to school I will miss having him around. When all my children are at school I will likely feel lonely and like I have lost a sense of purpose.
It’s hard as a parent to not feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. I sometimes feel like I’ve lost my freedom, my ability to do what I want when I want, especially when it comes to doing the things I love like singing in my choir, going to yoga and teaching yoga. I could make more time for those things, and I plan to but now I have to ask my family to adjust and shift so that I can still feel like me. My husband plays ball hockey and I do everything I can to make our family work around his hockey schedule, whether that means different dinner plans or planning our Sunday around an afternoon game. I know that he also does everything he can to help me do the things I love.
Instead of wishing my days away I need to try and appreciate the wonderful things that are happening every day and make sure to ask for help feeling like myself while being a parent. I need to remember that these years are precious and short even though the individual days are exhausting, frustrating and long. Instead of trying to survive these years so that I can reach the other side, I need to try to appreciate what is happening here and now because I will never have these times with my son again.