“Comfort” Zone

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I recently heard someone describe what their comfort zone looks like: a nice soft comfy arm chair that is cozy and warm and you never want to get up out of. In that moment I realized that my comfort zone is the exact opposite. My comfort zone is dangerous and frightening. My comfort zone is

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The Work is Never Finished in Recovery

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I think I might start calling my dietitian (H) my “food therapist”. We talk about normal dietitian things; the 5 food groups and benefits of them all, we talk about variety in foods and proper portioning but we also talk about what food (and lack of it) means to me. I tell her my story

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Eating Disorder Recovery and Self-Hate

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Hate is a very strong emotion, but often a very misunderstood one. Children say they hate their parents when they are frustrated or angry, they hate broccoli because they don’t like the way it tastes, they hate their friends when they feel betrayed or upset. As children age, they are subjected to a number of

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The Return of Hope

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The past couple of weeks have been particularly dark around here. Given my recent struggles I found it necessary to explore the depths of my disorder and dispel any romanticized ideas I had about when I was ill. My therapist has always said that when in recovery, it is common to romanticize the times when

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The Most Reckless Moments of My Eating Disorder

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Last week I wrote about the scariest moments of my eating disorder – one of the deadliest side effects of an eating disorder and my experience with it. Today I’d like to put some of that in perspective and talk about the most reckless moments of my eating disorder – my most recent relapse from

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